Starting Again.

Starting Again.

I stare at myself in the mirror, seldom giving any facial expressions to my backwards self, apart from the often downward glance at the new me. I have changed my self, my look.

I used to be so happy, I was blinded by love, the world was hazy and soft. Until the fog of passion all cleared and all the lies and betrayal was sharp and hit me like a pound of bricks. He only wanted as a trophy, as a boasting toy. I hated myself and him and the foolish game that was. But I loved him and he made me feel like I was beautiful. I tried everything to find that blind happiness again. I hurt myself and others to try to get lost like I was, but nothing worked. It only made me realize what a mess I was. I had three inches of make-up shielding my face, my hair dyed a sickly blonde and skin a dusty orange. It wasn't me.

But I will start again. I will find someone who loves me for what I am. A pale, dark-haired girl who would choose playing catch with my dad than spend a day being pulled towards my boy so he can show me off.  

I will start again. No cleavage, no skirts, no heels. Just me.